We’ve been discussing important life topics recently…like “male blarting.” Is it possible? We’d like to think so. A simple cut on the old balloon knot might undergo further tearing after an especially explosive stank bomb. That could produce a few blood droplets, right? I mean if Cavablart and I have to go through the monthly torture of shedding our inner linings, why the hell can’t we suggest that men have a little blood in their boxers? Hemorrhoids on men are sweet. They pretty much guarantee bleeding whilst shitting or ass-blasting. That makes us really happy. We basically wish there was a way that we could induce blarting in men. Nothing makes a period worse than stress…usually caused by the men in our lives. If there was only a way to ensure blood would exit a mans asshole when he farted. We’ve tried planting small pocketknives on movie theater chairs…and we’ve tried “credit carding” dudes at nude beaches with paper stock. And while those methods have been extremely successful…well…we just can’t afford to continuously buy baby knives. Plus, it’s great that you can get business cards online for free…but the shipping costs really do add up.

Cavablart and I are currently blart-storming new ideas/tactics to get this movement flowing. We will keep you in the loop.

(Ohhhhhh! We’re half way there…Woooooaaaah! Blarting on a prayer!…blar-ting on a praaaaayyeerr.)

Cavablart and I are feeling really guilty lately. Back when Michael Jackson was so unfairly taken from us we discussed having a romantic, candle-lit vigil. We planned on sitting cross-legged in a two person circle…so basically knee to knee…singing M.J. classics like:

“Blart with You” (I wanna blart with you…allllll niiiiiight!)

“Blart in the Mirror” (I’m blarting with the man in the mirr-ah!)

“Blart of White” (I took my baby on a Saturday blart!) :)

Needless to say we kind of forgot to actually do this. Maybe it was all the alcohol we were drinking… Anyway, it will happen some day soon. And now that we’ve had some time to really plan this out I see incense burning, Mexican 4-layer dip, an MJ ice cream cake with his beautiful face on it, vodka, a super fancy boom box (with CD and cassette) player, a video montage and without a doubt, multiple MJ dioramas—placed carefully in each corner of the room—depicting his greatest moments.

We WILL be purchasing an Ouija board, and we WILL be contacting him.

Stay tuned…

(We love you Michael)

To blart…or not to blart?

Well, let’s be honest… It’s not really a question…or a choice. It’s more of a way of life.

Who are we? Meghan Cavablart and Gia Del Blart, that’s who.

We met one starry night whilst slinging food at a shitty, meatball-obsessed, Italian restaurant. We were discussing “sharting,” considering that many of the said eatery’s patrons find themselves with the runs after consuming said meatballs.

In our bored state, we paddled down a little stream of wordplay. 
It didn’t take long for our brains to flip a little switch-a-roo and remove the shit and bring on the blood. Queefing became bleefing and, obviously, sharting became blarting.

The rest my friend is history.

Blarting, for those of you who have not figured it out yet, occurs when a female on her period farts. The end result (occasionally) is a small puddle of bloody inner lining in her underwear.

Embrace the word. Even though its meaning may disgust some, it truly is a pleasant addition to one’s vocabulary. You can replace almost any word with “blart,” and your friends will still understand your intentions.

For example: “This blarts!” Or perhaps, “Go blart yourself!”

Blart can be used as a noun, adjective, adverb, interjection, direct/indirect object…just about anything.

“See you in blart, asshole!”

If Meghan Cavablart and I see each other, we typically scream “Blart!” to express our excitement.

When a total bitch leaves a shitty tip, she then becomes “A stupid-ass blart.”

It’s really quite easy.

The only time it is inappropriate to use the word “blart” is when referring to a certain cinematic catastrophy… “Wow. I really loved that ingenious movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop.”

Cavablart and I hope that you understand the rules of blarting. And we honestly hope that you embrace it’s potential…nurture it…help it to grow exponentially!

Until next time..

Blart ya later!